Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
