btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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