Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
