i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
