Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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