i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
