Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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