I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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