the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
