i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We got so high we made milksteak
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
