That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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