So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize