Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
