Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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