How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When did angry sex become our thing?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
