I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
