Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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