proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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