since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
