I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
