Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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