my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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