The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
