I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
