I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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