Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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