girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
