Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
