Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
