Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
