We're facebook friends in real life
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
