If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
