Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
