Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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