BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
