she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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