just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
