I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think people are normalizing furries
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
