I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We got so high we made milksteak
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
