I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
