I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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