I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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