please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Small penises have feelings too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
