my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
