My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
