Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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