My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
