Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
