You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize