What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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