It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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