I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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