I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
