My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
