I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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