bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
