you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize