it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
