Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she smelled like a LAN party
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize