Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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