my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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