what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
