My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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