a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
