that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
