i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
