I got chris browned last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
