is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
