I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
