Barsexuality is the new black.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
