I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
