Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
