Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
