come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize