My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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