i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
