Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
